Pajamas?

Check.

Luke-warm coffee?

Check.

Shades open?

Check.

A mass of hair growing from my face that brings untold spiritual and creative energy?

Mothafuckin hell check.

Oh yeah. I’m fuckin back at it. Shit has been cycling hard lately, and I’ve finally got the drive back in me that I thought had maybe left for good. Do you do this too? Is it just me? It feels like my mind just goes into hibernation at certain points and it’s like… cross yr fuckin fingers and hope it comes back sometime soon. I go from these constant lustful, steamy, grimy, raunchy, sticky fuck sessions with the universe, to… like… sleeping on the couch.

And I always wonder if she’s gonna take me back. Is she fucking another mind behind my back? Have I lost my sense of cosmic libido? Am I not sexy anymore? How can I get this badass bitch back in the sack?

The answer is usually this:

Shut the fuck up.

Slow down.

Moment-surf.

Listen.

That last part — listen — is one of the hardest parts. Mostly because ya gotta do the first three first, and ya gotta get them back into a habit to even have a chance at listening. It’s hard, too, because it’s not just something you do with your ears. This kind of listening is like, hearing from that place where you hear the constant “aum” at, ya know? It’s about as hard as hearing a cell phone vibrating in somebody’s pocket from across the office. If all the atmospheric factors are right you can hear it, but until the phones stop ringing and people stop talking and papers stop rustling, you’ve got no chance of hearing that phone.

So I did the best I could. I shut the fuck up. I slowed down. I moment-surfed. And just when I was about to give in…. bzzzzzzzzzzzzz… bzzzzzzzzzzzz….

Those buzzes came in a variety of forms. A couple:

I got a fortune cookie one night at work that said, “Trust your intuition. The universe is guiding you.” Ha! Cool! I smiled about it, tossed it in my wallet and thought, “not quite the shout-out I’m lookin for, but it’ll do for now.” Then a few days later, I come into work to find another fortune cookie sitting on my desk. A co-worker was posted up at my desk, shootin’ the breeze and she said something about being hungry. In jest, I offered her the fortune cookie, which she declined. The cookie got me thinking about my fortune from a few days back, so I pulled it out of my wallet and was telling the girl about it. As I handed it to her, I was grabbing the other cookie, and starting to open it. As she was reading that fortune, I was reading the new one, which said, exactly, “Trust your intuition. The universe is guiding you.” I quickly snatched the other fortune from her hand and compared the two… different fonts, they break over the lines in different spots, different blue squares printed on it, and one was blank on the back while one had the Chinese word for vegetable. “NO FUCKING WAY!” I’m yellin now… I seriously freaked out. The universe had once again flashed her panties from across the crowded room and given me a wink.

Another nudge was that I had been thinking about getting back to blogging as a creative mental workout for a while but couldn’t really get it figured out. Then my friend Jeremy came over and just hit the nail on the head with his talk about how he was updating his blog. He mentioned how he had read another blog about this cat who was a creative professional of some sort who says the best excercise for a stale creative mind is to just take some time every day to create something useless. Well, not useless I guess. More like, something you didn’t have to create. Something you’re not being paid to create. Something you have complete artistic control of and can say FUCK and PUSSY LIPS in without worrying about what your boss or anybody else might have to say about it. It was like a Dharma talk almost. It really was exactly what I needed to hear — the jumper cables stretched from Jeremy’s vehicle to mine.

Fuuuuuck.

I’m just feeling it again. I’m happy. I’m proud. I’m doing good work and I’m swaggerin.

I’m talking to Madam Universe and while it might just be phone sex at the moment, both of us are hot as a Scotch Bonnet for the other… when I finally get a good makeout session in and grab her tits a little… I’ll let ya know.

And now I’ve got somewhere to do it.

Welcome.

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